Gua-NO!

Pigeon poop has caused the destruction of a gas station canopy. Biological warfare!

I didn't do it, it was the sheep gov

I've done it, i bet you've done it too. When it all goes wrong blame a sheep!

Keith Ellet (mechanic) has however taken it to a new level. He has blamed local hooligan sheep for a fire costing him a staggering £275,000. Even more unfortunately for poor old Keith he wasn't insured. We bet those pesky sheep didn't give a damn as they ruined his livelihood. Prison terms for arsonist sheep is what we say.

Foreigners attack christmas

A shocking attack on Christmas has been reported in Bath. Rogue American Squirrels have attempted to destroy Christmas after an assault on the rotary club Christmas lights.

Revenge is on the minds of the Rotary club, a member said "they have got our bulbs but we will get their nuts"

A political storm has also been felt after this criminal activity, Mr Daniel Lake, a University of Bath BNP activist (07856 335201) said " this is typical of these Yankee foreign invaders, they have no respect for our culture and traditions, they should be thrown out of the country"

Penguin Petulance

Just take a look at this mischievous penguin! Surely an Animal ASBO is heading his way!

Give this octopus an asbo!

• juggling hermit crabs
• trying to smash open his aquarium with a rock
• feng shui against the wishes of tankmates
• causing blackouts with well aimed water jets...

...all in a day's anti-social behaviour for Otto the Octopus.