Panda Attacks!

We at Amazing Animal News often comment on how rubbish pandas are. "They eat nothing but bamboo and can't reproduce for love nor money," we would often holler across the office. So you can imaging the surprise when Pete Billcliff, our current intern and budding young animal journalist, informed us that a vicious Panda has recently attacked not one, not two, but three people.

Gu Gu the Panda' most recent victim was the hapless Mr Zhang Jiao of China who fell over a 5 foot wall into the blood thirsy animal's pen while trying to catch, you guessed it, a toy panda. While we here in the UK spend every waking hour filling in risk assessments and COSHH forms, it's clear that there's certainly no panda-ing to health and safety in China.

Displaying characteristic Chinese patriotism and confucian philosophy, Mr Zhang said, "The panda is a national treasure, and I love and respect [him], so I didn't fight back," Zhang said. "The panda didn't let go until it chewed up my leg and its mouth was dripping with my blood."